warikoo Wanderings

Welcome to another edition of Wanderings. I hope you are safe and everyone you know is also doing well. These are tough times in India - please stay safe. And stay hopeful. Hugs :)

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WHY ARE RELATIONSHIPS HARD?

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This week, Bill Gates and Melinda Gates announced that after 27 years of marriage, they are filing for a divorce. The news was surprising - they seemed happy together. And were arguably running one of the most powerful foundations in the world, under a joint name.

What impressed me, was the announcement and the reason given for the divorce.

“...we no longer believe that we can grow together as a couple, in this next phase of our lives.”

Even after 27 years of marriage, these two are focused on growing together as a couple! Wow!

And this is precisely what makes relationships hard.
​The growth rate of the 2 involved in it.

When we start a relationship, the basis is the similarity in the two of us. We like the same things, we are from similar backgrounds, we have had similar experiences, we are attracted to each other, we enjoy each other’s company, and so on.
The basis for a relationship to start are the things that work.

When the relationship does start, the two of them are still individuals. And they are still going about living their life, in some separate ways.

They go on to study, maybe in a different city, or go on to work at a new company, meet new people, go through new experiences, read new things.
Thus, becoming “new people”.

People change.
We all do.

So now we have an individual growth rate, for ourselves. Basis the life we are leading.

IF these growth rates are similar in a relationship, and in the same direction, the relationship continues to grow.

BUT, if the growth rates are different, or they are in different directions, the relationship begins to get harder and harder.

So what started on grounds of similarity, begins to break because of the differences.
These differences needn’t have existed to begin with, but have emerged because of the different growth rates.

This suddenly explains a lot.

It explains why relationships that started when the two were really young, tend to fall apart more. Because the change that the individuals go through is significantly more, as they grow old.

This explains why if one of the partners is not working, differences emerge sharply. Because the other is experiencing a far more dynamic world than the other.

This explains why the friends they keep impact the relationship, than most other things.

So what does it mean to continue to grow in a relationship as a couple?

That BOTH recognize they are on a different path, or one is on a slower than faster path, and they make the effort to align or to pull the slower one up.

Something as simple as
​“I read this awesome book. It changed me meaningfully. Let’s talk about it.”
“Here is what I am going through at work. You should know this - because it is teaching me so much.”
“Let me hang out with your friends as well and get to know them.”
“Let’s discuss why you hated this movie. I loved it. It will be interesting to know.”

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​Relationships involve two individuals growing at different rates.
Balancing those growth rates, is what is called a relationship.

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A NOTE TO EVERYONE IN THEIR 20's

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My new Podcast Episode is out. It speaks to those in their 20's.

The podcast is called Woice with warikoo.

Check out the episode on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Jio Saavn, Gaana.

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BOOK I AM READING THIS WEEK

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This week has been quite intense due to several reasons. So couldn’t move beyond the current books - Can’t hurt me!​
Still a stunning read. Gives me goosebumps each time I pick it up.

Please share some book recommendations with me. Now that you know the kind of books I tend to like.

Just reply to this email :)

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QUOTES TO SHARE

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The most fulfilling thing you will do in your life is to help someone in a way you were never helped.
​(Share on Twitter)​

Advice is what we seek when we know the answer but are hoping there is a better one!
​(Share on Twitter)​

A year from now, you will wish you had started today.
​(Share on Twitter)​

Success is a relationship you have with your own self.
​(Share on Twitter)​

The biggest misconception people have is that they are the odd one out and everyone else is sorted!
​(Share on Twitter)​

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RESULTS FROM LAST WEEK’S POLLS

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Last week I asked you

What is your dominant form of learning?

1. Reading
2. Writing
3. Listening
4. Watching
5. Doing

3,100+ people responded. The results
35% said doing; followed by 26% watching; 17% reading; 13% writing; and 9% listening.

This also explains why most colleges suck! Because we are rarely doing anything in college, no one shows us how to do it (watching) - and all that we are forced to do is read, write exams and listen to lectures!

The world finally makes sense :)

I received SO MANY emails on how this question gave them clarity on why they were struggling to get their learning right. And how now they think they know!

My dominant learning style is watching. I can observe and learn rapidly. Followed by writing.

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THIS WEEK’S QUESTION

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A hard question - but please do answer.

What explains your current love relationship (could be dating, marriage or a serious bf/gf relationship)?

1. I am not in a love relationship right now
2. I am growing faster than my partner
3. My partner is growing faster than me
4. We are growing together

The poll is anonymous (all polls are), so do not hesitate to participate. Click here to participate.

Of course, you can always write to me and share directly.
I read all my emails. ALL my emails.
​“Meri love relationship mere khud ke saath” ki kasam :))

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