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warikoo Wanderings

Signs of toxic people

Published about 2 years ago • 4 min read

warikoo Wanderings

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ARE PEOPLE TOXIC, OR RELATIONSHIPS?


One of my best performing reels on IG is "3 signs of toxic people".
I usually spend a fair bit of time going through the comments of my content - it acts as a great source of what to share next, and also measures the sentiments people have shared.
Did it help them? Or not? If so, how? If not, what could be missing?

As I scrolled through the thousands of comments for this particular reel, I read what I had anticipated.
"My parents"
"My friends"
"My relatives"
"My family"
"My colleagues"
"My manager"
"My xyz"

People were picking up these signs and then mapping them onto people in their life.
Until, I came across a precious comment.

"I just realized I am toxic!"

To be honest, this was not something I was expecting.
I was hoping for it, though.

Very often, we come across content that validates us.
That gives meaning to our angst, our anger, our disappointment.
"5 reasons hiring interviews should be eliminated"
"7 reasons college does not work anymore"
"5 ways parents are wrong"
"X reasons why others are wrong"

We read them and our minds make us feel good about ourselves.
"See, I told you. They were wrong. I am right."

Funny enough, we rarely stop to ask ourselves, "Is it possible that I too exhibit the same?"

Let's take the toxic people example.
What I mentioned in the reel was, if you come across people that:
1. Make you feel bad for who you are
2. Make you feel guilty when you are sad
3. Blame you constantly for not being there for you
then they are toxic.

Truth is - EVERYONE in the world WILL make you feel this way at some point of time.
And by that measure, YOU TOO will behave this way with someone else.

Does that make them toxic?
Does that make you toxic?

It depends on how you are feeling.

If you have already decided that someone is hurting you, then such content will convince you, because it validates your beliefs.
You were on the edge. And this convinced you that what you were feeling is true.

If you feel guilty about something you have done, then such content will convince you that you are toxic.
You were on the edge. And this convinced you that what you were feeling is true.

What we feel about people is rarely permanent.
How we conclude of people is a function of how we are feeling about them at that moment.
Our parents while growing up were gods to us, until they turned devil for some of us, because they stopped us from living our own lives.
Our friends who were bffs suddenly became enemies because they did not stand up for us when others made fun of us.
Our colleagues who we used to drink and dine with became competitors because they were ranked higher in the appraisals than us.

We are unpredictable as humans.
But we think we are permanent in our convictions!

It is not people who are toxic.
It is our relationship with them that makes the relationship toxic.
And we could very well be a part of that.

BOOK I AM READING THIS WEEK


I am still reading
Bitcoin Billionaires: A True Story of Genius, Betrayal and Redemption

It is the true story of the Winklevoss twin brothers, who had sued Mark Zuckerberg claiming that Facebook was their idea that Mark has stolen. It is a crazy story. At one point, the brothers had bought almost 1% of the available Bitcoin in the world.

I am also excited for my next 2-3 reads, because I have lined up some good ones. Yay!

If you are not actively into reading, or have never read a book, my first book "DO EPIC SHIT" was written for you. It has no start, no finish and can be opened to any page to start reading. You can order it here :)

QUOTES TO SHARE


One of the biggest mistakes Indian parents make is to not teach us accountability at an early age, and then suddenly make us responsible for all our actions.
(Share on Twitter)

If you are not willing to take responsibility for your situation, you cannot use your situation as an excuse either.
(Share on Twitter)

If you are listening, you will never run out of ideas.
(Share on Twitter)

RESPONSES TO LAST WEEK'S QUESTION


Last week I asked you:

How often do you change your mobile phones?

  1. Every 6 months
  2. Every year
  3. Every 2 years
  4. When my phone breaks / doesn't work
  5. I still use Nokia :))

Here are the responses:

Observations:

  1. Only those not earning, use Nokia :)
  2. As income increases, people change their phone more often.
  3. Majority are smart and change only when it break (thank god!)
  4. No "show off" in the audience that changes phones every 6 months (THANK GOD!!)

The most common brand of phones are Samsung (20%), Xiaomi (20%), OnePlus (18%), iPhone (16%) and RealMe (10%).

PICTURE OF THE WEEK


My team, me and 3 lucky winners of giveaways who were flown down to Delhi to meet all of us :)
(From L to R: Keyi, Horia, Vaishnavi, Nishtha, Gitanjali, Rhea, Aditya, Me, Sid, Kunal, Bhuvi and Mitali)
PS: Missing are wariCrew members outside of Delhi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK


How often do you use a pen/pencil for writing?

  1. Daily
  2. Once every 2-3 days
  3. Once every week
  4. Don't usually write.

​Click here to let me know your answer (anonymously)​​​​

CONTENT I SHARED THIS WEEK


Podcast:
Title of episode: When to give up?
Spotify, Amazon Music, Google Podcast, Apple Podcast, JioSaavn, Gaana or YouTube.

YouTube:
Title of video: How I made 7Cr teaching?
You can watch it here.

Instagram:
Title of video: Rs. 500 to 3.5Cr
You can watch it here.

Twitter:
Title of thread: 17 books that helped me, and how
You can read it here.

You can, of course, always write to me by simply replying to this newsletter.

I love reading all your emails, even though I may not be able to reply to them all.
Yes! I READ ALL MY EMAILS. ALL OF THEM.
​​(Holi festival se bhaagne ki kasam!)

You can share this newsletter on WhatsApp, Twitter, LinkedIn or view it on the web.

warikoo Wanderings

by Ankur Warikoo

Entrepreneur, Author, Content Creator with 9M+ followers across platforms. I share this newsletter every Friday around personal growth, books, quotes, pictures - it is the most personal version of me online.

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