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Relationships still need to be built

Relationships are tricky, no?
Especially the romantic one.
There is love, but then there is also jealousy.
There is a need for space, but then there is also dependence.
There is forming impressions, but then there is also vulnerability.
There are our own problems, but then there is also a saviour mindset towards our partner.

And a lot of us think that the struggles of a romantic relationship are aggravated if it becomes a long-distance relationship.

So when I tell people that Ruchi (my wife) and I had a long-distance relationship for 2 years when I was studying in the US, an obvious question is "How did you two manage?"

And the answer - as crazy as it may sound, is in part - "because we spoke only once a week".

You see, I think a big reason why relationships are hard and have become harder, is because the two individuals are perpetually in each other's face!
Today's technology allows for that.
WhatsApp, video calling, social media, location tracking - it seems wonderful, isn't it?
Until it isn't.

Before becoming a partner to someone else, we need to become a friend to ourselves.​
​(Tweet this)​

And that means, distance.
Distance helps.
It helps us process what we go through and what we went through.

When I was in the US in 2002, none of this technology existed.
Calling was expensive.
I could only afford a 30 minute call once a week.
So that was what it was.
Every Thursday, I would call Ruchi on her landline.
And we would talk for 30 minutes, through a calling card.
Which meant there was no "speak to me for 5 minutes more".
At 30 minutes, the call would disconnect.
So we were focused.
We cherished those 30 minutes.
It was all we had.

So we didn't engage in random chatter.
That was the time we caught up on each other's lives.
And it was the time when we had to be careful of what we chose to share.
Because time was precious.
It was our currency.

Our next opportunity would come after a week!

Imagine if that was the case today.
Imagine if all you got was 30 minutes with your partner every week.
How differently would you act?
Would you still engage in that useless fight? Pick up that unnecessary argument? Lose your patience over that random person you felt threatened by?
Or would you do everything to make the other person feel loved? And cared for? And heard?

Just because you can speak to your partner every second, do not.
Just because you can connect with them on demand, do not.
Give yourself the space to long for them.
For them to long for you.
Do not misuse the privilege you have.
Do not waste a relationship because technology made it easier to start one.
Relationships still need to be built.

Build one!

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📕 Book I'm reading this week

I finished reading Letting Go, and also made a YouTube video on it. The key takeaway for me was the map of consciousness, which basically tells us the different emotional levels we can exist at. The identification of it makes all the difference between managing our emotional state or not.

Here is the map of consciousness.

More on how to read this map, in the video. Will be out in a month or so.

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Results of last week's survey

I asked all of you: How often do you think of death?

Here are the results:

1. I am actually surprised at the share of people who think about their death often. Didn't expect it to be this high.
2. It is also interesting to see how when we are young (less than 22) we often think about our death. Then we don't as often (maybe because we get busy with "life") and then after 40 we start thinking about it again!
3. And "never thought about my death" continues to decrease as we age.

My response:​
I rarely think about my own death. Not sure why though. It just doesn't occur. I also rarely have dreams about falling or dying, which quite a few people mentioned they have.

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Quotes to share

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What triggers you, teaches you.

🐥 Share on Twitter

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Your feedback should help people win. Else it is just criticism.

🐥 Share on Twitter

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Failure is a delay, not defeat.

🐥 Share on Twitter

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📸 My week, in pictures

In this section, I share my week in pictures, for those who do not like to read as much as I write :))
I do so not to show how cool a life I live, but instead to show you what are the highlights of every day. As you will see over time, my days are mostly in repeat mode - the same things, but different experiences from them.

This is the rooftop of a dear friend, who we went visiting last Friday. They have just had a baby daughter. Loved the bright sky and sunflowers in this pic.

Saturday, the weather turned lovely in Delhi. This is a pic from our dining table (where I work from). During monsoons, the green-blue view from the window is so wonderful :))

Sunday, I went to play tennis in the morning at the DLTA in Delhi. It is a 40-min drive even in the morning, so I go there rarely. Once every 1-2 months or so. It is lovely though. You can hear peacocks in the background, while you are playing tennis. What an experience :)

Monday, we had 8 language editions of GET EPIC SHIT DONE released - Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi, Bengali, Telugu, Malayalam, Kannada and Tamil. So now the book is in 9 languages (including Hindi) with several international languages coming up soon.
All are available on Amazon.

Tuesday, I was in Mumbai for a corporate talk. This was for the Accor Group's General Managers Leadership Meet. When I entered my room there was this basket of khatte things - imli, amla, ber, raw mango, etc. Am not a big fan of khatti cheezein, but I found the basket quite cute :)

And this is me, writing this email on a Wednesday morning, with intense eyes! :))
Haha - main zindagi mein itna serious hoon nahi.

Have a lovely weekend and week ahead, all of lovelies :)))

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Question of the week​
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Which phone do you use?

1. iPhone
2. Samsung
3. Xiaomi
4. Oppo/Realme/Vivo
5. OnePlus
6. Others

Answer here

(and see the results of others, too)

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🎙️ Podcast I shared last week

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🚀 Content I shared this week

📹 YouTube:​

​The 6-step guide to building a positive mindset​

📱 Instagram:​

​Change your life in 6 months​

🐥 Twitter:

​The CGI Framework to win at life​

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You can, of course, always write to me by simply replying to this newsletter.

I love reading all your emails, even though I may not be able to reply to them all.
Yes! I READ ALL MY EMAILS. ALL OF THEM.​
​(har cheez ko sauce ke saath khaane ki kasam)

You can view all previous newsletters here.

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