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warikoo Wanderings

What's your relationship with your parents like?

Published almost 3 years ago • 4 min read

warikoo Wanderings

Welcome to another edition of Wanderings. This will be a hard edition to digest, because of a sensitive topic. Bear with me :)

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THE FINE LINE WHEN IT COMES TO DEALING WITH PARENTS


So I grew up adoring my parents. They were everything for me.
They shaped up my values, my reality, my fears, my ambitions.
There was nothing wrong with them.

Until, I began to see the "wrong".
Not really wrong, but I saw how their thinking wasn't always right.
And how they would also make mistakes.

And that was really unsettling.
Because so far, my parents were "never wrong". They could not do any wrong, think any wrong.

We all have that moment.
The moment we realize that our parents are also humans.
And that moment could be meaningfully altering for us!

We begin to live on this pendulum that swings between "they are my parents and thus at the stature of god" to "how could my own parents think/behave/speak like that?"
And this dual state kills us.
We don't know how to react.

So do you know what most of us do?
We begin to hate our parents.
Hate our parents for being this split personality.

When the truth is - that IS their personality.
We confused their role as a parent, as their personality.
We felt that the act of giving birth and raising instantly translates into someone who is forever good and kind and nurturing and comforting.

And that, in my view, is unfair.
Pay attention to what I said - unfair.
This is unfair on them.
Because in their head, they were the same person that they were.
And it's likely that they see nothing wrong in themselves.
It is quite likely that they have become immune to their own inadequacies.
And suddenly they find someone, hating them, for being themselves.

You know what this feels like?
It is like you have a dream of your best friend slapping you.
And you get up, MAD at your best friend.
So when your friend calls, you act all cold and nasty.
And your friend is like, "What did I do?"
And you are like, "Well you know exactly what you did, $@!&#%"

Here is what helped me.
I began to see my parents, as just normal people.
I love them, I respect them, I care for them.
But I do acknowledge they are not perfect.
And I am okay with that.

And that means
I will give them feedback, and it is their choice to accept it or not.
I will care for them, but if their actions hurt me, I will move out.
I will love them, but if do anything that shakes my belief in them, I will become indifferent.

Parents are humans first. Parents second.
And it would help, if we saw them the same way!

WHAT IF YOU NEVER DIE?


My news podcast episode was on this rather unusual question. Hope you like it.

Check out my podcast "Woice with warikoo" on Spotify, Apple Podcast, JioSaavn or Google Podcast.

BOOK I AM READING THIS WEEK


The book I am reading this week is a re-read - Predictably Irrational.

It is one of my favorite books of all times, because it details why we as humans act so irrationally and how we do it with such predictability (hence the name).
For example, why do we think that the taste of a wine bottle that is expensive, is better than the taste of a wine bottle that is cheaper (even if it is the same wine)?
Or why, if on a restaurant menu you put a really expensive dish, that might actually help you increase profits, even if that dish never sells!

Breathtaking book. Must read!

QUOTES TO SHARE


Sometimes moving out saves the relationship you have with your parents.
(Share on Twitter)

It is amazing how much you can get to know about a person in just a 30-min interview, if all that you do is LISTEN and not evaluate!
(Share on Twitter)

The decision that will hurt you the most is not making one, while waiting to take the right one!
(Share on Twitter)

If you want to change your professional field, do not quit your job.
Instead "date" other fields.
Pick up courses, projects, internships, freelancing gigs.
The financial cushion of your job will not put the pressure of a new field to be "the one" before you get to know it well.
(Share on Twitter)

Don't make your lack of preparation as an excuse to not start!
(Share on Twitter)

RESPONSES TO LAST WEEK'S QUESTION


Last week I asked you

Who do you tend to trust more often?

  1. Your parents
  2. Your friends or colleagues
  3. Your partner/spouse/gf/bf
  4. Successful people nationally/internationally
  5. Your own self

3,200+ of you responded. Here are the results.

52% said - their own self (yay!)
21% - parents
14% - successful people
7% - spouse/partner/gf/bf
6% - friends

I am so glad I speak to an audience every week that largely trusts their own self :)
I am surprised that friends scored so low.
And I am surprised that successful people was twice as much as partners or friends!

As for me - I am in the 52% - I trust myself more than anyone else.
That also allows me to take 100% responsibility of my actions and outcomes.

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION FOR ALL OF YOU


Where is most of your money parked?

  1. Don't have any surplus money
  2. In the bank
  3. In fixed deposits or recurring deposits
  4. In national savings schemes (PPF, NPS, etc.)
  5. In equities (directly or through mutual funds, etc.)
  6. In Real estate
  7. In Gold
  8. In crypto

This will be interesting :)

To answer, click here. It is anonymous and not tracked.
Of course, you can always write to me and share anything that you want to. I may not reply to all the emails, but I do read all my emails.
I READ ALL MY EMAILS (Sonu Nigam ki khoobsurat aawaaz ki kasam!)

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warikoo Wanderings

by Ankur Warikoo

Entrepreneur, Author, Content Creator with 9M+ followers across platforms. I share this newsletter every Friday around personal growth, books, quotes, pictures - it is the most personal version of me online.

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